i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
