I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
