Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
