I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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