I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
