Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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