I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
