I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
