I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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