Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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