your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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