i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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