awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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