Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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