I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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