remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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