I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
