Porn is love you can see.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
