I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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