no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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