Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Come on in and take your pants off
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