So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
