Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
