a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Panties = found
Randomize
