"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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