Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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