It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
