she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
