Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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