Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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