Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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