I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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