If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize