dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
