College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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