Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
