now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
