Just fell off a train. Bad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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