booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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