I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
