apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
