Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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