I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
