Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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