also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize