The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
