Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
