i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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