Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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