they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
