Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
