I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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