Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
