I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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