I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
