my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
