Acid is not a monday night drug
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
