WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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