Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
