I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize