im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
