i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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