my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
