i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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