Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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