If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
