i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
