my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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