One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
