bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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