I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
