The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
