I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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