Where is the hickey?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
