She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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