I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
