she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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