mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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