We're facebook friends in real life
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
