i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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