No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
