I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
