walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
