Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
