How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
