I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
