they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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