just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
