we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
