I wish my penis had an off switch
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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