i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
