Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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