Already got asked if we're dating
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
