I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
