at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
