dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
