Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
