so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Are my feet made of real feet?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
