Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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